Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Occasionally when I’m having trouble coming up with something to write about, I’ll harass my friends into giving me a topic. Yesterday it was Slurpees. Today, care of my buddy Linda, I bring you a few ponderings on Heat.

I’ll try not to repeat anything from my previous post, which references summertime, sticking to vinyl, spotty air conditioning, stuff like that. My objective is to go in a new, fresh direction.

I even told Linda, when I asked her for a topic, to make it the first thing off the top of her head, the simpler the better. Linda delivered. It doesn’t get more simple than heat. Well done, Linda. So here it is: my thoughts on heat.

By the way, sometimes when you’re writing about a particular subject, said subject requires at least three short paragraphs of back story or intro to really set the stage adequately. Heat is one of those subjects. There’s just so many different directions you can take it, you must first clarify and narrow it down. You can’t just start writing about heat in the very first sentence. How would your audience stay with you? It’s too broad of a thing. Okay.


That hot thing we like to call heat.

A pregnant woman just walked by. I hear pregnant women overheat more quickly. I bet they could write a blog post about heat, only different from mine. Not better, just different.

Have you ever surprised yourself when you’re hot? Ever sat without a glimmer of apology in an unladylike position just to get a little air circulating in your nether regions? Just me? Okay.

You know what they say about heat? Tell me.

I was reading about this thing called Heat Edema. It’s where your body can’t rid itself fast enough of all the extra sweat and salt the heat is creating in your body, so it goes into your ankles, and they start swelling. I think I’ve had that.

It’s not hot where I work. I wear a sweater all year long at my desk. My cubicle is directly below a four-way air vent. I’ve brought it up with maintenance several times. Were I to close this vent partially, they say, it would throw off the entire climate of the southwest section, potentially overheating the schmucks sitting closer to the windows, where the temperature is always much warmer. In practical terms, what this means is two or three of my sweaters never see the inside of a winter storage container. Sometimes, as a treat to myself, I go and stand in the emergency stairwell, where the temperature is always perfect. I might even sing myself a little song, like that 80’s hit…Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya…

The previous paragraph was not about heat, but the opposite of heat. Hm. Maybe I should have written a fourth introductory/clarifying paragraph.

Most folks at this point in writing a blog post about heat, and failing miserably, would simply give up. “I’m not inspired to write about heat,” they'd say. “Leave it to the geologists who study the earth’s crust,” or perhaps they’d blame their writer’s block on fuel emissions and carbon waste. But not I. I can write (and write well) about anything, anytime. Yes, I may be feeling the heat. But is there a better, or more on-point sensation to feel for such a task as this? Hellfire, no.

Last month I was down in the Dominican. It was pretty hot down there.